Really hot in the middle and just plain hot around the edges. If you like dangerous sharks and poisonous snakes then this is the place for you. They've also got Kangaroos and cute cuddly Koala bears - both very tasty on the barbie. The best place to visit is Uluru as the locals call it. It's a big rock right in the middle of Oz and if you climb it you get cursed, cos it's like sacred. Mark climbed it and had the shits for a week - although it could've been that dodgy kebab he ate after that night getting pissed with the aborigines.

Eating Out

Plenty of authentic Aboriginal food - crocodile, Emu and of course kebabs. If you're not so experimental like us, there's McDonalds and Starbucks everywhere. Don't forget to tip. Oz custom is to give at least 10%. If you don't tip an aborigine, they point a curse stick at you and you'll get the shits - guaranteed.

Drugs

The usual supply, but the traditional aboriginal drug is called walamilike which you take anally. It's completely legal in most of the country and it's a bit like drinking 6 pints of Newcastle Brown and then being held under water for 5 minutes. It's a hallucinogenic, so always pack away knives and guns beforehand - just in case you mistake someone for a space alien - and always stay within 10 metres of a dunnie (toilet) because of the after effects.

Shopping

The Aborigines invented the boomerang, the didgeridoo and the skateboard, so you can buy plenty of these at the various markets. The general art scene in Oz is limited and they don't have much influence globally, nevertheless you might like the latest movement which is a mix between Picasso and Garfield.